Drug Warriors, Inc.

Due to the demonstrated success of the Drug War, the ONDCP's dual strategies of "Demonization and Harm Maximization" will henceforth be incorporated into other areas of public life.

Plans include:

Automotive Maintenance - Mechanics will misdiagnose your frayed fan belt as a faulty transmission. Failure to replace the transmission will result in your being incarcerated on charges of endangering public safety by operating an unsafe motor vehicle.

Pest Control - Agents will infest your home with an assortment of insects and rodents. Failure to pay the extermination fee will result in incarceration on charges of endangering public health and child neglect if applicable.

Lumber - Agents will burn your barn in the middle of the night and come by the next morning offering to sell you lumber. Refusal to purchase the lumber at inflated prices will result in incarceration on various charges related to building code violations.

Fast Food - Customers attempting to exchange cold fries will be terminated with extreme prejudice by an elite para-military task force.